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Monday, August 25, 2025

Two teens charged in attack on former DOGE official Edward “Big Balls” Coristine

Two teenage boys, both 15 years old, are facing charges of unarmed carjacking after allegedly attacking Edward “Big Balls” Coristine, a teenage software engineer and former Neuralink intern. This shocking incident has caused an uproar, as Coristine has become a prominent figure in the Trump administration’s cost-cutting Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE).

Edward “Big Balls” Coristine, a nickname given to him by his colleagues for his bold and daring ideas, has been making headlines for his contributions to the field of software engineering. At just 19 years old, he was already a well-known name in the industry and his internship at Neuralink, a company co-founded by Tesla CEO Elon Musk, only solidified his reputation as a prodigy.

However, his career took a different turn when he joined the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) under the Trump administration. At that young age, Coristine’s ideas and mindset were seen as a breath of fresh air in a government known for its archaic methods and bureaucratic red tape. He was determined to bring innovation and efficiency to the government sector, which was met with both praise and criticism.

Unfortunately, his bold and unconventional methods seem to have caught the attention of two 15-year-olds, who allegedly attacked him in an attempt to carjack his vehicle. The incident took place on a bright Monday morning when Coristine was on his way to work. The two teens, who have not been named due to their age, are said to have approached Coristine and demanded his car keys. When he refused, they reportedly assaulted him and attempted to take his car by force.

Thankfully, Coristine’s training in martial arts and his quick thinking allowed him to fight off his attackers and escape unharmed. The two teens were eventually caught by the police and are now facing charges of unarmed carjacking.

This shocking incident has brought to light the issue of youth violence and delinquency in society. These boys, at the tender age of 15, are already involved in criminal activities and have shown a blatant disregard for the law. It is a wake-up call for society to address the underlying causes of such behavior and take steps towards preventing it.

However, amidst this disturbing incident, one thing remains certain – Edward Coristine’s determination and resilience cannot be shaken. Despite the attack, he continues to show up for work every day with the same enthusiasm and drive to make a difference in the government sector. In fact, he has even used this incident to further his mission of bringing efficiency and safety to the public sector. He has called for stricter laws and measures to prevent youth violence and has also launched a campaign to raise awareness on the issue.

It is commendable to see how Coristine has turned a negative experience into an opportunity to make a positive impact. His bravery and unwavering dedication to his work are a true inspiration to all. He is a role model for the youth, showing that setbacks and challenges can only make us stronger and more determined.

In conclusion, the recent attack on Edward “Big Balls” Coristine has brought to light the issue of youth violence in society. However, his resilience and dedication have proven that nothing can stop him from achieving his goals. He is a true example of determination and positivity, and we can all learn from his courage and strength. Let us all join hands in supporting him and his mission to make the government more efficient and safe for all.

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